Wednesday, June 13, 2007

One Crazy Night

Tonight after work I stop by my mom's to pick up Holly. Even though she could stay home during the day now, I think she's falling into the routine of going there.

She used to go right into her kennel when I'd go to leave the house in the morning. She's beyond shutting the door, she just likes to lay in there with it open. If we could remove the door that would be great because Mike and I are always running into it. The door is just in a bad place. Now, she's following me down the stairs. I take that as a sign that she wants to go.

So fine, she went and I picked her up. I'm at my mom's not two minutes and her old neighbor stops by with her 4 week old baby. This chick is crazy and doesn't even know who the baby's daddy is yet. We're standing there for a few minutes and finally I say to my mom, "call me as soon as you're ready so we can go." Now, I say this thinking my mom picks up the cue that it's to get her away from said crazy neighbor. Nope, she takes me seriously. Feeds and gives Murphy his insulin early and everything and is at my house before 5:30. Strip poker doesn't start until 6:30 and while we do need to grab dinner it's just fast food. I wasn't ready. I hadn't even ironed my capri's yet, changed clothes, anything. I'm rushing around the house. I grab my big purse, a little purse and my game bag. When I get in my mom's car I take my digital camera, wallet, meds (which I totally forgot to take) and a chapstick (which I never used) and throw it in the little purse...leaving my regular bag with my epi pen, keys, everything important in my world in the backseat of her car.

We go to dinner at Arby's. I'm not a big fan but it's food so I don't complain and they had diet Dr. Pepper so that's a plus. We're standing in line, my mom orders a French Dip sandwich. Let's say it's meal number 5. I say, "Make that 2 of those." I look down and realize I have my t-shirt on backwards. I say to my mom, "OMG, please tell me it's not a V-Neck at least." No, it wasn't. I rush off to go to the bathroom to turn it around. I come back to find her struggling with the soda because the soda fountain is spitting at her. We get our food and sit down. I look at the try and we have totally different meals. I'm puzzled. I'm looking at the menu and I realize that my, "Make that 2 of those is a #2 meal." Ok, so now this #2 is plain, blah, roast beef on a dry bun. BLECH. I walk back up there, tell her I got the wrong thing ask her if she can throw some cheese sauce on it and that I'll just eat it instead of them having to make a completely different sandwich. I so should have just eaten the sandwich as it was or made them make me what I wanted. But no, I don't want to be a pain in the ass and get my food spit in so I go along with it. They slap a cheese slice on my sandwich. At this point, I'm just disgusted so I eat the darn thing and call it done.

We make it to Strip Poker and everyone's discombobulated. No one can remember the games, everyone is throwing in strips half hazardly, dealing with one deck instead of two, using the jokers, etc. It was a comedy of errors and we laughed SOOOOO hard. We were giving the shop owner a hard time and then I said, "Watch, she's going to discontinue strip poker if we keep this up!" The laughs just got harder from there. It was never ending. My mom left with a handful of strips, I left with 186. I think I went with about 75 because I lost badly last month.

We get home, I make good progress on my projects. I finish cutting the remaining two sets for Project Linus, I sew the 5th one, iron it. Sew all the binding for the 5 kits together, Get 3 of them ironed, cut some batting for the next flannel raggy quilt. I was really on a roll. I decide to leave the rest of the ironing and cutting for tomorrow when it dawns on me...I had used my cell phone on my way home from work but when we left for poker I couldn't find it. So now I start calling it to see if I can find it. It hasn't dawned on me yet that my entire purse is missing. So shit, now I realize that because I hear no phone. I then realize I lost the phone before I got in my mom's car. I grab Mike's car keys and out I go...without even grabbing his phone.

It's really a good thing my mom lives so close so that when I have stupid moments like these I'm not driving all over hell and MIDNIGHT. Before I leave I say to Mike, "Hey, what do you think my mom's garage code is?" We both rattle off a few different number series and off I go happy that I don't have to wake her up. I get there and either I forgot what we decided or we just never had it right to begin with. So now I remember, I've got Mike's keys and he typically keeps the key for my mom's house in his glove compartment and that's back at our house. I look to my mom's apartment and see that her bedroom light is on. Ohhhh, lucky me she's still up reading. I go peer in the window and she's snoring up a storm. Then I figure, I live in these apartments, I know how the windows work, maybe I can get the screen off and get in. Nope, no dice, especially in the dark. I go back to the bedroom window and I start calling, "Mom, MOM." Nothing. And can I point out, no dog stirring.

Back to our house to go in Mike's truck. When I go to flick to his truck key on the ring I realize....his house key for my mom's is ON THE RING. It's bright yellow and I didn't bother to look.

Back to my Mom's. I open the door and Murphy is NO WHERE to be found. Now I'm freaking out wondering where he is. I'm in her bedroom (she's STILL asleep), I'm back to the kitchen. Into the living room, dart into the bathroom. Dart into the spare room, back to the kitchen. Now, my heart is beating a mile a minute because he's a diabetic and now I'm thinking he's laying dead some where so I'm trying to crank my battery-less flashlight without being really loud so that I can find him. Nothing. I go back into my mom's room and I see a lump next to her legs. Now, he's COMPLETELY UNDER THE BLANKET and has pretty much flattened himself out so it doesn't look like a dog is lying there. The lights are on and it still wasn't obvious. Head is by her legs. It looked like the blanket was just poofed up. I go to poke the poof and it moves. Honest to god, some watch dog. This 75 pounds of flea bitten dumb shit doesn't even realize that someone is running around in his house or that I was calling to my mom through the window. For god sakes, between the two of them I could have been a freaking murderer. Now this is a woman who when I was a kid if I was breathing funny from the other room she knew it. Yet I'm in her house and her and her dog have no clue. I wake her up and say, "What's your garage code." I'm trying to be all quiet and stealthy and now she bolts up wide awake and is asking, "WHY, WHAT'S WRONG?" Ok, aliens could have abducted you while you were sleeping and you and Wonder Dog wouldn't have any clue. Gives me the code and I say, "Are your doors unlocked?" No. Now I've got to rifle through her purse to find the keys. Go, get my purse, back to the house to give the keys back and off I go.

Remember the phone that started this whole search?

Search through my entire car and nothing. Go in the house, grab Mike's phone and start going room to room calling it. Figuring it's on silent and I'm listening for it to vibrate somewhere. No dice. I go to my car, nothing. Come back in the house, I'm calling it again and our house phone rings. By this time Mike pops out of bed and says, "Who the hell would be calling us at this time of night?" He looks to me and I think said something like, "Dumbass, did you just call the house and not your phone?" I say, "No!" He's just shaking his head. (Dumbass in our house is kind of like a term of endearment) He answers and it's my mom. She went to let the dog out and saw something blue lighting up and vibrating on her recliner. Calling I think to tell me to stop calling it. No, I've got to go back and get it because it's a more reliable alarm clock than my regular alarm clock. Back in the car I go.

Meanwhile, by the time I get home, Holly has rifled through my bag of poker "coins" AGAIN. There's about 15 of them on the floor. Now, I realize she thinks their fair game and in her defense I had just poured them all out on the floor earlier to count them up, abandoning them when I realized I had no phone. Silly dog.

It's 12:49 am and I'm still typing this because I'm so wound up. I don't think I could sleep if I tried.

Oh, I know, I can tell you why my alarm clock is so screwed up. It's one of those clocks that sets it's own time and fixes itself for daylight savings time. Well, it started 3 weeks earlier this year. And, it also has 2 alarms. I had one set up for the weekdays and one set up for the weekend. When I went to fix the time when daylight savings time ended I had to advance it by a full 24 hours. Only then it made Sunday into Monday. It's been like that ever since. When the "normal" daylight savings time came around it became Monday + 1 hour. This is why I NEEDED my phone. So that I'd have an alarm to go off. I've unplugged this stupid clock for hours at a time. There's no battery that I've put in but it must have an internal one somewhere and I cannot for the life of me get this thing to reset. A clock should not be smarter than me but it is. Mainly because I've never taken the time to find the darn book that explains it. It might just be easier to buy a new clock. Maybe I should go back to my ancient Sesame Street alarm clock that I had as a kid and refuse to part with. Actually, that probably wouldn't be a bad idea. At least it would make me laugh every morning. I'll have to get a picture of it tomorrow, if I do it now I'll have successfully pissed off Mike 3 times and my Mom 2 times. If I remember right it talks. The thing has GOT to be 27 years old. I found it in the attic when I moved and ever since it's been sitting on the top of my tall closet.

Huh, look at that. It's 1:02 and I'm finally starting to calm down a bit. Maybe it's time to lay down in hopes of falling asleep within the next hour.

Oh wait, one more thing. I remember what started this day off. I got a frozen lunch out of the freezer this morning, set it down to clip Holly's leash on and totally forgot it there.

That's it. I'm done now....really I am.

Thursday, June 14, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by orchidlover (
well I laughed till I cried reading this. Mind you I have days like that aswell.
I can remember driving home from taking Stanley for a walk and suddenly realising that I couldn't find my house keys. Back to the carpark I went and had a good look round , still no keys. i then retraced my steps around the mountain for a further 2 hours, Stanley thought it was his birthday with all the walks. Still no keys. I phoned Mal who was an hour away in work in a right panic. he couldn't stop laughing as he told me that my housekeys were on my car keys ring and that's where they'd always been.
I still haven't lived that one down

love and hugs gina xxx

Thursday, June 14, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Anonymous (
I'm telling you Jen, It's the moon!!!!

Thursday, June 14, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by 51050 (
I laughed so hard! Some days are just like that, aren't they? Rhoda

Thursday, June 14, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by CountryQuilter (
You poor thing, don't you just hate days like that? I have those quite often...when we have silly moments here in our family, we call them "Chantal Moments" That is my sister and she can be so dumb sometimes. So it's a running joke around here...

Thursday, June 14, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by cowgirl4ever (
Now that I know it's not just me.. smiles.. I can share stories like that and know ya'll will know what I'm talking about.. LOL I haven't had one like that in a while but I'm sure before the summer is out I will.

Pinpoint customers who are looking for what you sell.

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