Monday, December 29, 2008

I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried...

Well it turns out I called it right and I'm not happy about it. I'm not sure why I let my Dad upset me so but he makes me soooo damn mad.

My Dad calls me tonight around tell me when the funeral is.

Me: Wait, back up, I didn't know that he died, when did he die?
Dad: On Saturday
Me: He died on Saturday and you're first calling me now on MONDAY?
Dad: I called you.
Me: You called me to say they were removing the vent that I didn't know he was on to begin with.
Dad: No, I called you to say he died.
Me: No, you called me to tell me they were removing the vent and gave me Ryan's cell phone number in case I wanted to meet up with them at the Hospital to say goodbye. You didn't call me between then and now.
Dad: I did call you.
Me: Dad, you didn't.
Dad: I guess I forgot.

(In the background I hear Crazy Wife yelling at him that he most certainly did call me even LISTING OUT THE TIME OF SUPPOSED PHONE CALL and who he spoke to before and after yet it never occurred.)

Me: Dad, can you tell her to shut her mouth for once? You did NOT call me.
Dad: Yeah you're right. Now that I think about it, I didn't call.

Dad: So the funeral is on Saturday. The funeral home needs to know what car you're driving for the processional.
Me: What?
Dad: You can ride with us.
Me: Really? You really think I want to get into a car with her? It's not important where I drive or who I drive with when no one can even call me to tell me my Grandpa died. I guess it's not like I'm part of the family or anything, it doesn't matter where I drive.

We get off the phone with me telling him I'll just get whatever information I need to know from the obituary. I have a complete and total meltdown. A conversation with my Mom that I'm sure she couldn't understand a word coming out of my mouth because she asked to talk to Mike. When I finally settled down, Jill called me to cheer me up and in only a way that a Jill can. I'm guessing my Mom called or emailed her and asked her to call me because it was quite erie otherwise that she knew precisely when to call. We talked about boogers and stuff. (Just keeping it real here)

I took some Excedrin and took a nap because by now I was mentally exhausted and my head was starting to pound and know that I get the worst migraines after stuff like this.

Part of me thinks to not even go to the funeral but then if I don't they'll all be able to use me as the scapegoat. The horrible grandchild who couldn't be bothered to come. When really, it's not about that at all.

Oh yeah, as a side note I say to my Dad:
Me: so did you change your flight for coming back?
Dad: No, I told you we weren't coming back early because of this.
Me: I don't mean early, it seems like you're staying longer.
Dad: What do you mean?
Me: Well you just told me you're coming home LATE on New Year's Eve but the day after Christmas when we spoke you said we'd be getting together before New Year's Eve to celebrate Christmas when you got back.
Dad: Oh, I guess I screwed that up.

Ok, SERIOUSLY? Is this man on something or just totally hell bent on finding ways to push me over the edge and just say enough is enough, that I just can't take the familial torture anymore and to just leave me the hell alone??

So we head to bed and of course my head is spinning again. I pull up the funeral home website and this is what I see...

Kenneth J. Wehr
Born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin on Feb. 3, 1924

Passed away on Dec. 27, 2008 and resided in Milwaukee, WI.

Saturday, Jan. 3, 2009
Service: Saturday, Jan. 3, 2009
Family Gathering: Saturday, Jan. 3, 2009
Cemetery: Mount Olivet Cemetery
Please click on the links above for locations, times, maps, and directions.

Wehr, Kenneth J. "Mike"

Entered into Eternal Life on Saturday December 27, 2008 at the age of 84. Beloved husband of Mildred (nee Fritz) for 60 years. Loving dad of David, Don, Ken (Lynda) and Floyd (Kathleen). Proud grandpa of Jennifer (Mike) Buettner, Ryan Wehr, Lindsey (Fabian) Klein and Chris Robinson (Sarah Rollings). Also survived by sisters-in-law, brothers-in-law, nieces, nephews, other relatives and friends.

Mass of Christian Burial Saturday 10:30 am at St. Gregory the Great Church (3160 S. 63rd St.). Visitation Saturday 9-10:15 am at the church. Interment Mt. Olivet Cemetery. Mike's family would like to express their heartfelt gratitude to the staff at Southpointe Health Care Center for their compassion and care. In lieu of flowers, memorials appreciated.

Ok, now let's step back here for a moment and look at he "Proud Grandpa" line. Let's even forget my feelings on the "Proud Grandpa" reference. Let's look at the people listed...

I'm listed first which should mean I'm the oldest. But wait...where's my older cousin Mike and his Wife Jen? (Yes, two Mike & Jen's in this small family. There's also been multiple Linda's with different spellings and multiple Kathy's with different spellings because they all seem to get married and divorced multiple times to the same named people.)

Ryan, Lindsey, ok, they're my younger cousins.

Chris Robinson? Seriously? They listed my Dad's Wife's ADULT Son and his wife but omit an actual family member? I mean seriously?

What did my cousin Mike do to get omitted cause honestly I would have taken the bullet on this one since I'm being outcast anyway. I would have expected to be the one omitted. I mean as far as I know his last name is still Wehr. Yes his parents got divorced but so did Mine, so did Ryan and Lindsey's. If we're playing by those rules, none of us should have been listed.

So here I sit, wide awake and upset again.


Cindy (aka Peony the House Elf) said...

Yeah what happened to Mike? He was always the shining star and why did they put in the wenches son? As far as I'm concerned they are all nuts. That family could keep a shrink busy for years. The man admits he forgot to call you and yet the wench is screaming that he did. So which one of them in nuts or are they both over the edge? Don't go because they will just make it even harder on you and in the end you'll hate yourself for going. I have such a bad headache and I'm only one of the outcasts from that family. Just remember that I love you.

jillquilts said...

Honey, you should definitely not go. You will only end up more hurt and disappointed because they will end up treating you how yo have been treated all week. You don't owe your dad or his skank anything so DO NOT feel obligated in any way to show up. They sure do sound very nutso. The whole bunch of them!

Just remember the wish I made! giggle

Oh, and if you need to hear the deep throaty voice that I have acquired again today, just let me know! LMAOPIMP he he he

Carol VR said...

Your right. You couldn't make a story like that up if it were coming straight from Hollywood.

Seriously?!? What car are you driving....LOL

I send my condolescences to you, Mike and your mom.

Kathy said...

I'm sorry to hear about your Grandpa and even more sorry to hear how your Dad is treating you. It sounds to me like he has a "coach" telling him what to say/do to you.

I think I would go to the funeral, slip in and slip out very quietly. At least you will know you went to pay your last respects to your Grandpa in spite of what anyone says.

I would NOT ride with the wicked stepmother (unless I had a gun, of course, with two bullets -- one for her and one for you in case you miss her! LOL! JUST KIDDING)

Hang in there!

Living on the Spit said...


I want to start off by saying, I am so sorry for your loss and what your biological father is putting you through as it is uneeded and totally uncalled for.

I can only share my own experience that is eerily close to yours. My father died on my birthday two years ago from a sudden health event and no one from my family called to tell me. I was at work when a freind called me on my cell phone and asked if I was okay and if I needed anything. I said, "No, I'm fine...why?" She replied, "You don't know, do you?" and then she went on to tell me that my father had died in his sleep. i of course was flodded with a lot of emotions an fell apart emotionally...I looked up the obit information on the internet and left work to have a semi-breakdown as my father and I had been extremely close, only I was not close and still am not close with the rest of my family (my Mom and 3 sisters are still living). At first, I was angrier than a fever blister that THEY had they audacity to be SO low as to not even call me and let me know my own father had died (it wasn't like I even wanted to have a conversation with them...just tell me the man died and hang up), but then I took stock of the situation that got us to that place to begin with. I facilated between going and not going to the funeral and then it hit father would have wanted to save me from their wrath and not to go...I realized the funeral wasn't for them or me, it was for my wonderful father...I went to a place where I knew the processional would pass, I got out of my car and watched the hurse and I cried my good bye. I had my own funeral with my Dad and I said my own goddbye in my own way. You see, if I went they would use it to fuel the family dysfunction and if I didn't they would still use it so either way, I was THE ONE OUT. I have had to remove myself from the family wheel (think of gears turning, if one is removed then it doesn't work)to find my own sanity and peace of mind....sure I miss family, but I can no longer use the chaos as an excuse to be happy in my own life. Sometimes we have to cut the cord on some of our past in order to go forward.

I will be praying for you and your family during this upsetting time.


BitnByAQuiltingBug said...

Jen...I'm so sorry you have to deal with all the "family" crap. I hope this helps...I'm adopted by my stepfather, but I always kept an open relationship with my biological father. I used to work 60 miles from my home. My mother found out that my biological dad had died and called me on my cell phone six months later ... here's the conversation:
her: whatcha doing?
me: driving home from work
her: oh, Ed died.
me: Ed who?
her: your father
me: when's the funeral? (he lived in florida so I'd need to make arrangements fast)
her: it was six months ago but I forgot to tell you.
me: ok. I'm driving and I'll call you later
Bear in mind that it's never a good idea to tell a person his/her biological parent died while they are driving during a Michigan winter.
Most families are a bunch of "fruit loops" as Garry calls them. That's why people like you and I surround ourselves with the best of friends! They are the real family. Oh, and ... I'd discuss buggers with you if you'd ever answer your phone when I call ya....giggle.....Hang in there!

Regina said...

All I have to say is WTF??!?!?!??!?!

And I know you are not making this up - your mom must have some powerful powerful genes to overcome the total dysfunctional other half you got...

Thank goodness for moms!

Moneik said...

I'm here for you and thinking about this whole crazy situation. We've been dealing with Paul's dad the same way since we started dating, which is why he wasn't invited to the wedding and I've never met him. He's just as nuts as your dad.
Wait... that's why you can't be around your dad or ugly, wicked stepwitch... they are all nuts and you're allergic to nuts! That's it I'm sure of it.
Feeling your pain and wrapping my internet arms around you for a hug.

Bethany said...

I like what Kathy said. Slip in and out and say your goodbyes in your own personal way.

You showed up so no one can say you weren't there.

Also remember that whoever gave the information for the obituary doesn't always know what they are doing. When my uncle died, they had half of the information wrong.

No one had called my dad to say his brother had died as well. I called up to say how sorry I was to hear about his brother. He was in shock.

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your grandfather.

Barb said...

I'm feeling your pain Jen. When my biological father died, they finally got around to calling me a couple of days later and because my idiot of a half brother was worried we'd want to "collect" on any inheritance (the man had nothing and certainly nothing I wanted) he left all 4 of use girls out of the obit. Just said he was survived by his brothers, sisters, son and grandson. Nevermind the 4 daughters and 8 other grandchildren ~ then he wouldn't take my calls and I was only calling him to say how sorry I was! Family! They can disappoint like no one else. We've made our own family and they are wonderful!

Linda said...

I can sympathize!! I vented on one of my blogs at one point cause my daughters grandfather passed away and we found out 3 weeks later from the monthly newspaper that gets delivered to our door and yup, you guessed it, she was NOT listed as a grandchild, but... her father's girlfriend and her children were listed... Really can't make this stuff up - it is too unrealistic! lol
(((((((big huge hugs!!!)))))))) I am sharing your blog with my daughter as I really need her to see that it happens to others even adults! Thank you for sharing and I wish you the best!!

Beth said...


Man, did we get separated at birth or what? Seems we have similar family dysfunction.

Being the baby, my mom felt the need to "shield" me from any emotional event. She was almost dead before anybody bothered to tell me, and here I was, 40 and pregnant out to there. The way I dealt with it? My mom knew I loved her.
He knew you loved him. Slip in and out and pay your respects.
Lots of love to you!