Sunday, April 12, 2009

Lessons learned

Last year I a quilt for someone that I thought was a friend of mine. Since I thought she was a friend I sent it on it's merry way in good faith that I'd at least be reimbursed for my costs; batting, thread, shipping. A few life events occurred which I can totally understand but it is now EIGHT months later. For the last two months, I keep getting promised that the check is in the mail. I’m beginning to think I should stop holding my breath and just accept it as a lesson learned and NEVER offer to do anything of the sort for anyone again. It really sours the way one looks at people in the world.

I can’t help but ruminate over this situation. I don’t know what to do to get past it. It's even kept me from blogging all week because I've written and deleted this post at least 20 times already.

14 comments:

jillquilts said...

People like this SUCK! I know the story and know about the extenuating circumstances, but knowing that she has been buying herself some big ticket items and still getting things quilted while screwing you ove makes her a rotten individual! That's my opinion! Friend my @SS!!!

Yvette said...

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I have a similar situation. I loaned a friend $500 to pay bills because her spouse was out of work a few weeks. It has been several months and I just found out they went to Hawaii. Lesson learned!

Anonymous said...

what a rotten thing to do. With a bit of luck she will see the post and put a check in the mail. I am sure the majority of people appreciate the things you do. Love your blog!
Marilyn in Canada

momtofatdogs said...

Well, I hate to tell you this, but you're not the only one that this happens to.

Many of our "friends" expect more from other people then they do of themselves.

Forgive the debt. To yourself. It might help you overcome the frustration. BUT ! Don't do this again.

Sam

Julie-Ann said...

Yeah, you have been taken, but I am glad you posted your feelings. It is not only sad because you were ripped off of your talents and your good nature, but you have now lost a friend, too. I hope she realizes this.

My parents taught me well. The few times I borrowed money from them (in my early 20s) they made me sign a note. Same for my sisters. We always paid them back, though. I don't have money to lend out, but I would ask for a note to be signed if I was able to lend money to a friend and/or relative.

Just remember that you are a good person and you can look into the mirror every day knowing you didn't take advantage of a friend. The other woman can't.

Michele said...

Oh, this sucks, but... Jen, you have such a generous spirit, and it would suck even more for something like this to kill it. I wish there were some magic way to keep from feeling like a sucker, too.

Sarcastic Quilter said...

It's always so hard to know who you can and can't trust. I'm sorry you learned the hard way but know that not everyone is this way. Just think of what you know about how they handle their finances and their debts both financial and otherwise and you won't be burned again.

quiltin cntrygrl said...

Jen I am sorry to hear this and that it has kept you from being the cheerful person that you are. I'm afraid that we all learn a similar lesson about people that we think are friends and it is unfortunate that our idea of what a friend is .. isn't what others have been taught. Good friends are hard to find but when you find them you have to hang on for dear life.

Carol VR said...

I assume she reads your blog!

Regina said...

Jen
So sorry this has happened to you - and is getting you down just when we are getting ready to converge in Ohio -

Having just sent 4 quilts off to Jill for quilting - I was apprehensive of imposing on the time, skills, and equipment that you gals have - but so appreciative that you could do for my quilts what I could not. I can't even imagine not paying my share of those expenses - although what you do is PRICELESS as far as I am concerned.

Granny's Closet said...

Sorry to hear what happen. Like everyone has posted it has happened to them and it is a hard lesson to learn and a hard pill to swallow. And the sad part is that you don't want to become hard, but it happens.

Cindy said...

I know the total situation and this person who I also considered a good friend has really let you down. There is no excuse for someone like this and then to constantly promise to send a check and then not and go ahead and buy large ticket items and post about this is so wrong in so many ways. I say to hell with her and let's move on to the good times that are ahead in Ohio with REAL friends. Ohio is never going to be the same again once we all get there.

BitnByAQuiltingBug said...

Hey Jen...
I've got a bunch of quilt tops layin around here that need quilting. You got time and money to take care of them for me? Just thought I'd ask....HA! You already know how I feel about it. I'm still suprised by all of it, and I still think the general rule is that quilters are just the best people. Right is right. Wrong is just wrong. Just keep remembering ... in a week we'll all be hanging together! Peeps Rule! See you in less than a week! Wooohooooo

Barb said...

Been there ~ done that ~ lost a friend. Then 6 mos later she had the nerve to call and ask me to fix the quilt I made for her son (that she didn't pay for) cause the dog chewed a hole in it. Some people have the biggest balls!
Still it took me a long time to get over it ~ but look at all the support and love you have here on the blog.